


The last time

by AlWine90



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Not Beta Read, Not completed, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Quick Read, War, farewell, first attempt at writing, switching point of view, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22378960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlWine90/pseuds/AlWine90
Summary: The marauders join the order of the phoenix. Remus has a mission and needs to leave.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 15





	The last time

Rain obscured the window in sirius‘ room and blurred the sallow light of the streetlamp. The drops slid along the windowpane, leaving fine traces of tears. A flash of lightning stung sirius‘ eyes and bathed the room in bright light. The dirty glass contorted his features into an eerie grimace.  
Sirius noticed Remus‘ gentle strides in the hallway. He had known him for almost a decade and these steps were burned into his subconscious;  
A slight nausea had plagued him for some hours, but now something different took its place. Warmth crawled into his stomach, just as it always did when Remus was around.  
He no longer knew exactly when it started; his feelings for Remus piled up for so long now that he welcomed this cosy and at the same time frightening sensation like an old friend. He had kept this secret to himself and it had been enough for him to sneak on Remus and to touch himself in the deep darkness of many, many nights, imagining it was Remus‘ hands caressing his body.  
It has never been this way between them and Sirius was beyond grateful for the friendship Remus had given him; nevertheless he always seemed to be too aware of Remus‘ presence, observant of his every move, almost compulsive. 

This time he didn’t even need to turn around; he could feel Remus lean against the doorframe, twisting his wand between his lean fingers, avoiding eye contact. For the last month Remus has been avoiding Sirius. Ever since Dumbledore showed up at the headquarters, Remus has been acting different; There were rumors about a spy who had infiltrated the order and everyone has been suspicious ever since. First, Sirius tried to talk to Remus about it, but after several unsuccesful attempts, he became angry. There have been heated arguments, then shouting, some aweful accusations and finally they stopped talking altogether.  
The silence was worse than the broken nose. 

Sirius heard him clearing his throat and turned to face him. Remus‘ eyes were still focused on the ground and the heat creeped into Sirius‘ lungs, pulling on them. The words fizzled in his mouth when their eyes met. Remus’ gaze was like steel; inevitable. His silhouette seemed to flicker and Sirius‘ chest dropped almost brutally as he let the air out of his lungs.  
The wall Remus had built around himself, which had always been there, the wall that had shrunk through the years of their friendship, now filled the room, stunning Sirius; crushing him. His lungs were compressed again and he couldn’t move, couldn’t even flinch. He was captured by the determined expression on Remus‘ face.  
Then a jerk went through Remus‘ body and he quickly covered the distance between them.  
Another flash of lightning struck the room and lit he scar on his nose, let it shine white and Sirius panicked about how close they were. Remus slowly raised a hand to let it hover over Sirius‘ cheekbone. He didn’t touch it but Sirius‘ skin burned all the same. Remus watched his throat as he swallowed hard. When he looked at Sirius again, his gaze was nothing but desire and it was so demanding, Sirius‘ chest hurt, a suppressed groan escaping his mouth.  
Remus‘ whisper stroke like a feather over his skin, sending goose bumps into his bones.

‚Sirius‘. 

He bowed his head and ran his thumb lightly over Sirius‘ lower lip, studying how his mouth opened slightly. His index finger pushed Sirius‘ chin a little higher.  
At the touching of their lips, Sirius burned.  
He fell into this bittersweet touch, never wanting to stop, wanting to stand forever at that window with Remus, until they were both grey and old, until their bodies crumbled to ashes, laying gently on the floorboard. He fell and flew at the soft pressure of Remus‘ lips.  
This kiss wiped everything out. It wiped out their arguments, their fights, it even wiped out the aching silence. Relentlessly it devoured all pain Sirius ever felt and scenes of a lifetime of fullfilness flashed behind his eyes. Sirius‘ whole being shrank to this moment, the now-grown heat warmed every single cell in his body, bringing them all to life.

Emptiness and loss curled his back, his knees hitting hard on the floor, as their kiss ended.  
Remus‘ cloak wiped around the corner and he was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> All characters in this work belong to J. K. Rowling and i am not making money off it.
> 
> This is my first attempt at writing fanfiction. I will edit and rewrite while posting.  
> I am grateful for every kind of feedback. Please note that english is not my native language, so feel free to point out any mistakes!  
> Thank you for reading!


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